Society and Conceite and Self-love

Something that's really been weighing on my mind lately... That line between pride/self-loving, and being conceited. I'm reading a book about self affirmations and healing your body, mind, and spirit through them. This sparked a huge thought chain.

Our society is so focused on perfection and it is really bringing us down as a species. It is definitely true for me. Physically, a lot of this is having grown up with a mom who struggled with her weight and body image which led back to people in her life desiring perfection in her. Mentally, I find trouble due to a teacher I had in elementary school who wouldn't accept anything less than perfection either. It really pushed me to expand my boundaries, but in a more militant fashion and not a place of loving and learning through mistakes. Spiritually, I have been beat down due to the way society looks at women as a lesser to men. Almost every religion places men at the head, the one to make all final decisions, who leads with pride and chest beating and grunting. Religion has had a huge impact on society thinking.

I was in an abusive marriage to a man who was abused growing up and only saw women treated,  and was treated as a child, as he treated me. Part of the failure of our marriage was due to the cycle of abuse that has come down through his family generation after generation. Part of it is I was taught, as was he, that women are second to men. In the end I left because I have a strong family who gave me a safe way out and I didn't want this cycle to continue in my daughter's life- the cradle to the grave abuse.

That is only the background for my Journey now.

It is so hard for me to speak affirmations to myself. I find there is a pride > excitement > fear of conceitedness > doubt cycle going through my mind. Society. It's thoughts are so built into us. It's not ok by Social Standards for people to be openly proud and self-loving, at least very often, because of conceite, jealousy, and the desire for acceptance. It does not stick to the uniformity that has been built into us as human beings.

So now I find myself searching for a way to cleanse myself of Society's thoughts. I don't want anyone to tell me what I need to do to accomplish. That's more Society in this case. This is a personal Journey. I want to see myself as less of a caretaker, nurturer, one who lives to care for others. I also KNOW I am not conceited or looking for Society's acceptance. I am more, but what?

This is not about me being a better parent, sister, daughter, lover, or friend. It's about being a better human being for myself. I am aware this will have an affect on every single person around me but whether it's positive or negative is up to them. That's what needs to be focused on. Stop being better for everyone else, be better for you and that will bring better to you.

Because One Small Kindness Can Save The World...

I Have Done SomethingI looked at all the caged animals in the shelter...the cast-offs of human society.
I saw in their eyes love and hope, fear and dread, sadness, and betrayal. And I was angry.
"God," I said, "this is terrible! Why don't you do something?"
God was silent for a moment, and then He spoke softly, "I have done something," he replied. "I created you."-- Author Unknown"Saving the life of one animal may not change the world, but the world will surely change for that one animal"

Dawn on Day 1

Last year, in February 2012, mom found Dawn. She was the beginning. There have been babies we've cared for and love for nearly my entire life who we have rescued and kept, passed on for another family to love or, on a few sad instances, helped to cross the Rainbow Bridge. Dawn was different. She challenged mom even more. She was the spark that lit her fire. Right there that day, Fighting For Dawn began.

Dawn 2.5 weeks later

Through much hard work, and much help from others too, Mom was able to make Fighting For Dawn an official animal rescue foundation at the end of last year, 2012. FFD has helped so many animals since it's very beginning with Dawn, then Martin, and on and on. At last count there were 21 directly through our family alone, about 14 in other rescues. FFD has reached out and help so many animals and opened so many hearts to the love an animal can bring- and the love my mom taught me growing up as a rescuer. I can't imagine any other upbringing.

Dawn 3 months later...

If I could count the number of animals the love my parents has helped, I'd be counting for days. I can't remember the endless number of animals we've helped- either transporting on a leg of their trip across the country; bottle feeding an orphaned baby; bandaging wounds of hit, beaten, and even shot animals; sometimes just holding them as they crossed the Rainbow Bridge (because no one should ever die alone and feeling unloved). We're going to have a serious herd of animals coming to greet us when we cross over the Rainbow Bridge. The love and compassion my parents have taught me towards life has made me a better person and a better mother.

The Queen now!

Then there are you guys. You have helped us monetarily, with food, with old blankets and bedding, with transport, with medication and vitamins, and even with your heartfelt prayers. Your words of encouragement are like gold. Without all of you there would be no Fighting For Dawn. We couldn't do this without you. Dawn is the heart and the purpose but you are the lifeblood. I've met such nice and amazing people through this dream come true. There are truly no words I can express to say how much you mean to us- to me. I know you don't see me as much, Dawn's Oldest Sister, but still... I'm forever grateful for each and every single one of you.

And now we're an official, licensed rescue. We received our license just today. So many years, tears, and lives saved and our dream has come true. Mom's biggest dream. Now we can help even more and reach out even farther. Our hearts are joyous and overflowing. What happy, fantastic, amazing day.



Love from all of us-

Denise, David, Elizabeth, Hannah, Charlie, Emmy, and, of course, Dawn.

Run, Ellie, RUN!

"Make yourself proud of yourself."

I ran today. Not far, about .6 of a mile, but enough. I also walked about 1.5 miles. All that matters is that I did my best. It'll get easier as I run. I will do this. I will do this. I WILL DO THIS.

And I know I can.

The day ended snuggled up with Elmer at mom's then going home and nursing Emmy to sleep. She looks so peaceful I think I'm going to join her. Goodnight!

Tell Me A Bob Story!

Emma GoldmanNo one has yet realized the wealth of sympathy, the kindness and generosity hidden in the soul of a child. The effort of every true education should be to unlock that treasure.

Once upon a time the was a boy named Bob. His best friend was Susie. He had a cat named Melody Pond. He lived in a house with his mommy.

One morning he woke up and Melody was between his pillow. She reach over and popped him on the head. He jumped up scared, he didn't know what that was! He smiled when he saw it was Melody. He scooped her up and she layed in his arms.

Emmy told me this story tonight while nursing. It was so sweet. Usually I tell the story but her's was much sweeter. These are such cherished memories.

Earlier today we also colored. That was lots of fun! She'd pick the page and color crayon and I'd color what she pointed to! Times like this are important to us both.

I love this baby girl.

And When I Already Felt Old Enough....

“When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years.”   Mark Twain

Today my little sister turn 21. Do you know what this means?

I am OLD.

Michael took us all to Mary Mack's restaurant for dinner. It was basically pretty divine. I had black eyed peas and cabbage along with chicken fried chicken and gravy. I'm still stuffed and that was almost 3:30 hours ago. They even have all you can eat fresh, hot cinnamon rolls. I blew my diet. Been doing SO good these last couple days too! After we ate, we went back to Michael's for cake and rest for out engorged bodies before we all drove home.

Juniper busted Hannah's lip!

I'm Finished

This is all... I finished it. 7:20 am I sewed on the last button...

Bed now.

I've Never Felt This Way Before...

"Familiarity is the root of the closest friendships, as well as the intensest hatreds." (Antoine Rivarol)

 Familiarity? Is that it? I'm too familiar with this cursed dress?

I loved the idea. It was magical in my head. I picked out the fabric with the greatest care, took me 2 hours. I could see the shining silver snowflakes in my head. How gorgeous would an Alice in Winterland dress be?

I hate this dress. It's beautiful. I'm proud of it in a bitter way but... I hate it. I've never felt this way before about anything I've ever made. I don't like it.

Despite my hating it, Luna is going to look beautiful. I tried it on her tonight and it fits like a glove. I still have to do the embroidery, apron, and diaper cover tonight.

I'm going to try not to let my blood sugar about make me pass out again like earlier. I rushed to the kitchen, grabbed strawberries, black berries, a glass of milk, and made me a chicken salad sandwich. So glad I made that chicken salad last night!

Night ended with my girl being adorable again. Here is a video of what she would say if she met the Doctor.

Emmy saying "Hello Doctor!"

And a picture of my baby girl sleeping in out bed. CO-SLEEPING FOR THE WIN!

The rest of the pics are random... Enjoy!

Lunch of Champions!

My work station during my lunch break

I really love pins. I really hate those sleeves.

Finished the freakin thing!

Yeah, even stitched the skirt on inside out. Had to pull out all the stitches.

Finally done with the major parts!